Let’s
just skip the intro and get right down to the nitty-gritty of this post.
Here
is a reasonable question: what does passive-aggressive mean?
Now,
for some, an image of a certain-someone popped into their mind before a definition
did. Go ahead and laugh at that. No judgment. Been that person and known that
person.
In
fact, we all know them. That one person who just always seems to have a chip on
their shoulder. Or maybe nothing every really seems to make them authentically
happy. And for crying out loud just tell me what is wrong instead of letting me figure it out! But the most prevalent characteristic of passive-aggressive behavior is
manipulation.
That’s
right—manipulation. As in, “I’m going to behave this way to generate the
outcome or response that I want/need”. Get the picture?
In
other words, and by standard definition, passive aggressiveness is indirect
aggression.
Those
of us who have dabbled in passive aggressive behavior, such as myself, have
hopefully discovered that it isn’t the most successful nor beneficial.
But
there remains people who act this way whether it’s working out for them or not.
I
would argue that about 25% of those who come off as passive aggressive are
either being perceived wrong or are misdirecting a unique and delicate aspect
of their personality.
The
last three-quarters of the lot have a different problem, though.
No,
it’s not that they’re just crummy people who need to lighten up and get on the
communication train. Besides, quick fixes like this are about as effective as
dollar store tape over a leak in a pipe. Amiright or amiright?
No,
there is a serious spiritual issue at hand.
Leviticus
19:17 reads the following, “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but
you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.”
Okay,
we’ve heard it before. Thou shall not
hate… yadda yadda yadda. I think we can all agree that hate is bad. Love is
good. I mean, come on, you can still quote most some of 1 Corinthians 13
after having memorized it in Awanas! Or was it church camp…?
In
all seriousness, I’m not hating on your Bible memorization attempts or lack
thereof (yet). I just want you to take a good look at that Scripture again and
notice that, in this specific case, the hate it refers to derives from your
heart—and stays there. UNLESS! Oh,
what a glorious word. Unless you “reason frankly”… insert ‘communicate’ or ‘be
honest about what is going on, about what you are feeling’. Because otherwise, you
are inviting sin into your life because of the hate in your heart.
Spiritual
dealings manifest physically.
Do
you want to know why people or you yourself are passive aggressive? Because
hate lies within the heart. Whether it is the hate of a person or something
that they did, it doesn’t matter. The offense has been done and not been
reconciled or brought before God. This
is so paramount. I truly hope this resonates.
Keeping your hurts,
rejections, disappointments, or whatever they may be, bound inside of your heart
festers hate. And hate will find an outlet, whether in body, thoughts,
words, or actions.
The
fix is not easy. The pride of every human demands that we not be vulnerable
with those who wronged us. But that little feeling of power and dignity in your
chest isn’t worth the damage that it wreaks on your heart, on your emotions,
and on those around you.
That
is what communication is: being vulnerable; divulging your real thoughts and
feelings.
Finding
solutions and not being intentionally aloof. That is how relationships are fed
and nurtured. Silence is deadly. Communication is healing.
And
if you haven’t figured it out by now… the only thing humans are about is other
humans and all of our relationships with God.
Miss
Ryleigh
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